Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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