I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
found the other keg... it's in the tree
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
