My boss' voice literally gives me gas
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
