Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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