my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
