I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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