and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
How does it feel to date your dad?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
