Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
