Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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