dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
