I smell stomach acid.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
