Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
