I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
