Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
