morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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