Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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