She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
