i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
