i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
