somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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