is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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