Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
