I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
why do cheetos always look like penises
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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