some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
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