I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize