When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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