Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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