I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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