When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
