i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
