It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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