Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
