Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
