He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
