At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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