I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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