dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
