I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize