im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Randomize
