he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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