What a fucking waste of an outfit
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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