Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
