you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
