just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
