Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
