haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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