i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
