wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize