Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize