I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
