dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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