we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
