Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
