I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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