I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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