I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
