marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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