Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
