Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
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