I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
please come you make the beer taste better
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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