im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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