My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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