Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
zippers are such a cool invention
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
