his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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