Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
