I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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