I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
