Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
