i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
